Today wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Getting up in the silent wee hours, I ran a brush through my hair and barely glanced at my makeup bag. Nobody would care if I was pretty, as long as the lines moved quickly.
Driving through the quiet dark, I tried to cheer myself up by pretending I was in foggy London. Car chase? Yes, indeed. I sped along my quiet residential street with something resembling theatrical terror, slamming the stick shift to the right, to the left, down, up. My newly acquired skill was coming in handy... being chased by the bad guys is no fun in an automatic.
When I reached the parking lot at work, however, it became less like a car chase and more like a Blue Angels flight maneuver. Six cars entered the lot, exhaust clouding in the cold air. To my dismay, there were already people waiting patiently in the parking lot, their car heaters on. They watched us enter the store like lions, the employees, the hapless victims.
Half an hour later, as our manager unlocked the door, a stream of human bodies poured through them. Candle warmers, three for ten dollars?! Yes, please! I'll sacrifice my eternal soul! Wire bins were attacked, people pushing and shoving. I wanted to see hair-pulling, pinching, maybe even some kung fu... but no such luck.
Within twenty minutes, customers had ordered themselves into calm lines. A bit disappointed, I began punching keys, ringing up merchandise.
Why, why, why does nobody bother to learn kung fu? It could really come in handy during the holidays.